Lets start off with a favorite quote (two actually)
“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live” - Charles Bukowski
"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."
— Charles Bukowski
I know that last one is long, but get ready and get set fuckers, because that basically sums up how I feel.
I feel alot like Bukowski had a window in my mind, even though he was alive for far longer than I have been even born. I really need to go back and read those novels... They actually might be the inspiration for who I am in general.
I miss Texas. I feel like I completely have nothing now that I've returned home, and I see that I'm rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot were there. My artsy side mostly, I've been working on music writing, drawing, making several new jokes, and sketches, among countless other things I've been up to.
At first I came back from texas and was kinda excited to see people that missed me, (all of which I haven't seen at all) and I'm actually glad that I haven't seen hardly anyone since I got back. It gives me the ability to work on things I want to work on, and even better I am off meds, yet feeling completely fine. As to why, to put it simple. I've given up on celexa because I just feel like I'm drowning when on them, or like I'm not completely checked in mentally while on them.
Like I'm here, but like my mind is running a different signal dig what I'm laying? (The color is a metaphor douche)
I notice so much more lately, subtle beauty in things you don't normally see, or maybe you do, but I just noticed.
MY Point! Things are going good, even though I initally felt as though everyone only wanted me back here just so I could continue to suffer with them.
The Lesson You Should Learn: Do what's best for yourself first always.
You know the deal.